Separation is one of life’s most challenging experiences, and the emotional turmoil can cloud your judgment at a time when clear thinking is crucial. While every situation is unique, many people going through separation in Alberta make similar mistakes that can have lasting consequences for their finances, their children, and their future. Understanding these common pitfalls can help you navigate this difficult time more effectively and protect your interests while moving toward a healthier future.
The decisions you make during the early stages of separation often set the tone for everything that follows. What might seem like minor choices in the moment can have significant legal, financial, and emotional ramifications down the road. By being aware of these potential mistakes and taking proactive steps to avoid them, you can minimize conflict, reduce costs, and create a foundation for a more positive outcome for everyone involved.
Making Major Decisions When You’re Emotionally Overwhelmed
One of the biggest mistakes people make during separation is rushing into major decisions while they’re still in emotional crisis. The shock, anger, hurt, and fear that accompany the end of a relationship can impair your ability to think clearly and make sound choices.
Avoid signing any legal documents, agreeing to permanent arrangements, or making irreversible financial decisions in the immediate aftermath of separation. Take time to process your emotions and seek professional guidance before committing to agreements that will affect your future. What feels urgent in the moment may not actually require immediate action, and decisions made in emotional distress often need to be revisited later at additional cost and complexity.
Consider seeking support from a counselor or therapist to help you process your emotions while you’re also dealing with the practical aspects of separation. This emotional support can help you maintain clarity when making important decisions.
Failing to Document Your Current Situation
Many people don’t realize how important documentation becomes during separation. Failing to properly document your financial situation, living arrangements, and parenting responsibilities can create problems later when you need to prove what actually happened during this transitional period.
Take photographs of your home and belongings, gather financial documents, and keep detailed records of expenses, parenting time, and any agreements you make with your former partner. Create a timeline of important events and save all communications related to your separation. This documentation can be invaluable if disputes arise later or if you need to demonstrate patterns of behavior to a court.
Open your own bank account and establish credit in your own name as soon as possible. Monitor all joint accounts and credit cards to ensure there are no unauthorized transactions, and consider freezing joint accounts if necessary to prevent financial disputes.
Using Children as Messengers or Emotional Support
One of the most damaging mistakes separating parents make is involving their children inappropriately in the adult conflict. Children should never be used as messengers between parents, asked to take sides, or burdened with adult emotions and concerns about the separation.
Avoid speaking negatively about your former partner in front of your children, asking them to spy or report on the other parent’s activities, or using them as emotional support for your own feelings about the separation. Children need to maintain loving relationships with both parents, and they need to feel secure that the adult problems are being handled by adults.
Instead, communicate directly with your former partner about parenting issues, even if it’s difficult. If direct communication is impossible, consider using email, a parenting app, or working through a mediator or lawyer. Keep your children’s emotional needs separate from your own, and consider professional counseling for your children if they’re struggling with the separation.
Ignoring Temporary Financial Responsibilities
During separation, it’s crucial to continue meeting your existing financial obligations while also planning for your new financial reality. Some people make the mistake of immediately stopping support payments, abandoning financial responsibilities, or making dramatic changes to spending without considering the legal implications.
Continue paying mortgages, loans, and other joint obligations to protect your credit rating and avoid legal complications. If you’re required to pay spousal or child support, continue making these payments even if you believe the amounts should be different. You can seek to modify support amounts through proper legal channels, but stopping payments can result in enforcement action and may reflect poorly on you in future proceedings.
Create a realistic budget for your new living situation and avoid taking on new debt or making major purchases during the separation process. Financial decisions made during separation can impact property division and support calculations, so it’s important to be thoughtful and strategic.
Refusing to Consider Alternative Dispute Resolution
Many people assume that separation automatically means an expensive, contentious court battle, but this doesn’t have to be the case. Some individuals make the mistake of immediately hiring a lawyer for litigation without exploring whether mediation, collaborative law, or other alternative dispute resolution methods might be more appropriate for their situation.
Alternative dispute resolution can be faster, less expensive, and less emotionally damaging than going to court. These processes also give you more control over the outcome and can help preserve a working relationship with your former partner, which is especially important when children are involved.
Even if you ultimately need to go to court, many issues can often be resolved through negotiation or mediation first, reducing the scope and cost of any litigation. Be open to exploring all options before committing to a particular approach.
Neglecting to Update Important Documents and Accounts
Separation requires updating numerous legal documents and accounts, and failing to do so promptly can create complications. Many people forget to update their wills, powers of attorney, beneficiary designations on insurance policies and retirement accounts, and emergency contacts with employers and children’s schools.
Review and update all legal documents to reflect your new circumstances. This includes removing your former partner as a beneficiary or decision-maker where appropriate and designating new people to fill these roles. Contact your insurance companies, banks, retirement plan administrators, and other financial institutions to update beneficiary information.
Don’t forget to update your address with government agencies, service providers, and anyone else who needs your current contact information. Also consider updating your social media privacy settings and being mindful of what you post during this sensitive time.
Trying to Handle Everything Yourself
While it’s natural to want to save money during separation, trying to handle complex legal and financial matters without professional help can be a costly mistake. Family law in Alberta involves intricate rules about property division, support calculations, and parenting arrangements that can significantly impact your future financial security and relationship with your children.
Even if you and your former partner agree on most issues, having a lawyer review any agreements before you sign them can help ensure your rights are protected and the documents are legally enforceable. A lawyer can also help you understand your options and the potential consequences of different choices.
Consider consulting with other professionals as needed, such as financial planners, accountants, or family counselors. The cost of professional advice during separation is often much less than the cost of fixing problems that arise from uninformed decisions.
Forgetting About Tax Implications
Separation and divorce have significant tax implications that many people don’t consider. Changes in filing status, dependency exemptions, support payments, and property transfers can all affect your tax situation, and failing to plan for these changes can result in unexpected tax bills or missed opportunities for savings.
Child support payments are generally not taxable to the recipient or deductible by the payer, but spousal support has different tax treatment. Property transfers between spouses can have tax consequences, and the timing of your separation can affect your filing status and available deductions.
Consult with a tax professional who understands the implications of separation and divorce to ensure you’re making informed decisions and taking advantage of all available tax benefits.
Moving Forward Thoughtfully
Separation is never easy, but avoiding these common mistakes can help you navigate this challenging time more successfully. The key is to take things slowly, seek appropriate professional help, prioritize your children’s well-being, and make decisions based on your long-term interests rather than short-term emotions.
Remember that separation is a process, not a single event, and it’s okay to take time to figure things out. With careful planning and the right support, you can move through this difficult period and build a stable foundation for your future.
At Kurie Moore Law Group, we understand the challenges you’re facing during separation, and we’re here to help you avoid costly mistakes while protecting your interests and those of your children. Our experienced family law team can guide you through the legal process and help you make informed decisions about your future.
If you’re facing separation and want to ensure you’re taking the right steps to protect yourself and your family, contact our Sherwood Park office to discuss your situation. We’re here to provide the guidance and support you need during this difficult time.
